Eli Pays A Visit

(Eli played by Daimon)

*************

In a poof of pot smoke, a guy in ripped up jeans appears. "Hey."

Pat says "Yo, Eli, my man!"

Eli says, "Pat, man, howzit hangin'?"

Pat says "Pretty good. Been doin' the usual, y'know. Rooting out heresy, being a stone bastard, that kinda thing."

Eli nods. "Hey, didja know that Pot smells like baby food sometimes?"

Pat says "Nope. But my cigarettes keep smelling like it."

Eli says "I've got this soldier up in Toronto who used ta say that pot smelled like baby food. But it turns out he was fed it as a baby by his baby sitter. At 3 months! I was like, woah, far out dude, cool."

Pat says "Groovy."

Pat says "Wanna crash for a bit? Y'know, hand out, listen to some tunes?"

Eli says "Are there gonne be chicks?"

Pat says "Kinda, yeah."

Eli says "Excellent. I'll bring the beer."

Pat thumbs-ups.

Eli *poofs* and a 6 pack of Sam Adams appears.

Hitherby turns Pat's TV on to the Wonderful World of Disney, perfect for wild parties.

The TV turns itself to VH-1.

Pat turns it to the Cartoon Network.

Eli says "Excellent", and pops the top off a beer. He crashes on Pat's couch. *fomp*

Pat starts inviting people to the pad

After a few minutes, people start showing up. Eli smokes a doobie.

Pat introduces Eli as a relative from out of town.

People seem cool on this. Early party talk begins.

Pat spikes the good coffee with the good whiskey.

People at Pat's party start to get drunk. Lampshades are worn on heads.

Archangel Eli ends up in Pat's bedroom with a particularly good looking chick.

Pat mingles.

Loud music is played. People stand out on Pat's porch, smoking cigarettes and talking about each other's sexual adventures.

Pat uses his PD contacts to avoid having a public nuisance call made. :)

Lots of people have a good time. Some people start getting very drunk.

Pat makes certain no one gets drunk enough to ruin the party.

Loud music is played. The word 'toga' floats around.

Pat says "No togas."

Pat gets booed. Alchohol is consumed at an interesting rate. Someone is making it with a chick in the closet.

Pat knocks on the door to the bedroom.

Eli opens the door, looking 'flushed', and zipping up his jeans. The bed is a mess behind him. "Yeah? I'ma comin out."

Pat says "Good. We're crossing the line between party and chaos."

Eli grins. "Isn't it great?"

Pat says "Well, not really."

Eli shrugs. "You Dominicans, always so conservative."

Pat says "Well, yes."

Eli brightens. "But hey, I can fix that!"

Pat says "Oh?"

Eli nods. "Yeah, sure! Just a little fix here and there, and you'll be creating in no time!" He looks over Pat's shoulder, and waves to some people who are busy polishing off a bottle of Capt'n Morgans.

Pat lifts an eyebrow.

Eli wanders in a wiggly sort of way to go talk to a knot of people on the other side of the room who are having a heated discussion over Scooby-Doo.

Pat shakes his head.

Much beverage is consumed. The Scooby-Doo discussion boils down to 'If scooby snacks were baked cakes of weed' or 'was Scooby and Shaggy so stoned they had massive munchies'. It because heated.

Pat comments, mildly, that Scooby and Shaggy were always jumpy and scared of things no one else could see.

Someone thinks this is cool, and the argument becomes three way.

Pat's work here is done.

When it becomes late at night, people start wandering home. The house is a mess.

Pat asks Eli. "Does Creation include cleanup?"

Eli says "Creation includes destruction. Apparently this includes your Living Room."

Pat says "Well, damn."

Eli says "Sorry man. But it was fun. Wanna hit?" He offers Pat a toke.

Pat shrugs. "Why not." *ffffffffffffffff*

The Pot is some _good shit_.

Pat's eyes roll.

Eli grins.

Eli says "See? All ya gotta do is loosen up a little and have a good time, man. You'll feel better."

Pat says "Riiiiiiiiiight."

Eli wanders to the kitchen to Find A Munchie. "Be cool, be loose, have a good time. Celestials are too uptight, if ya ask me."

Pat says "Well, y'know, we're supposed to be. Objectivity, and all that. It's like, if we get too /into/ something, it goes against our nature, y'know?"

Eli finds King Dons. They were never in the kitchen, or in the house for that matter, but he finds them anyway. There is probably a King Don Space Time Continuum. He comes out with the box and sits on the couch. *creeek* "I can fix that, too. Have a Ho-Ho, man."

Pat plops down, still holding the doob. "Oh, thanks. How would you fix it? I mean, it's /part/ of me, and stuff."

Eli munches on a King Don. "Dunno. I could make you a New and Improved Pat, but I think Mr. High and Mighty would get his panties in a wad. If he wears panties, that is." He ponders. "You think he wears panties? Or is he afraid of unsightly panty lines?"

Pat blinks. "Never asked."

Eli says reflectively, "Well, if he doesn't, it must get pretty breezy. You know, hangin loose and free. Don't sit on any cold benches cold assed, or yer gonna be sorry. Cool, man."

Pat ponders that.

Eli considers this, and starts getting the giggles.

Pat coughs for a few moments, the *ffffffff* again. "Wanna know what I think?"

Eli says "Hit me, man. Tell me your jive Elohite wisdom."

Pat says "Bloomers."

Eli's eyes become huge. He says, "Wooooooah."

Pat says "Y'think?"

Eli says, "I hope they have polka-dots."

Pat says "Nah. Probably white cotton."

Eli says "Figures. And he probably spends half his time with a wedgie."

Pat shudders. "Do Seraphim get wedgies?"

Eli waves a hand expansively. "Only in the truly Biblical sense, man."

Pat says "Oh, ok. Makes sense."

Pat passes the joint back.

Eli takes a long heavy happy toke.

Pat stares at the HoHo in his hand.

Eli says "It's a Happy HoHo!"

Pat says "I see that."

Eli says "The only way it can be happier is if you eat it."

Pat says "That would make the HoHo happy?"

Eli says "That HoHo was created with the destiny of being Eaten. All HoHos have the destiny of 'to be eaten and make people say _yum_'. You wouldn't want to leave it out, getting stale, and leaving it to its fate, wouldya? I'm sure it would piss someone off, man. So eat, and be free!"

<> Daimon is feeling obviously strange.

Pat studies the HoHo. "So, its nature encompasses its own destruction?"

Eli waves a hand. "All creatures are created with the implied understanding that they will some day be destroyed. It's sad, but hell, it's Life. Literally. Tis the nature of the universe, man."

Pat says "Well, yeah. But I mean, the HoHo isn't /fulfilled/ until it is destroyed. That's not common."

Eli shrugs. "But it's a happy HoHo."

Pat eyes the HoHo again. "This is true."

Eli grins. "It is difficult to make a healthy HoHo unhappy. Although a stale HoHo is an unloved HoHo. If you love your HoHo, set it free!"

Pat nods. "It is only just." He unwraps the HoHo.

Eli watches the consuming ritual with interest, and then starts getting pot-giggles again.

Pat looks the HoHo dead in the eye. "I do this out of love, little HoHo."

Chomp.

Eli throws back his head and laughs. "Totally cool, man. Totally cool."

Pat grins a chocolatey grin. "Yah?"

Eli nods. "Yah. You got it down kid. Creation and destruction."

Pat swallows, then takes a gulp of beer. "It all seems so random, though."

Eli waggles his hands. "Of course!"

Pat blinks.

Eli says, "It has to be random!"

Pat says "Why? Why can't we have things in order?"

Eli asks, "Where's the fun in that?"

Pat says "Well, it's satisfying, though. To have everything in place."

Eli says "You have everything in its place, and then you walk outside to see a rainbow after a hard rain. Randomly the sun and rain and clouds all line up so the light refracts in just that way. And then you feel joy. A pure act of creation, and no one did it but Mama Earth. That's why."

Pat squints. "Wait a minute. It has to be random, but you can have everything in its place? I don't get it."

Pat reaches for the joint.

Eli grins. "Exactly!" He passes the joint.

Pat *ffffffff* "How do you do both?" He croaks, holding the hit.

Eli waggles his eyebrows. "Magic."

Pat says "Magic?"

Pat coughs out a few puffs of smoke and hands the joint back.

Eli takes the joint from Pat. "Well, it _could_ be magic. It's as good as an explanation as any, man." He tokes the joint. *ffffffffff*

Pat says "So, it's just something you put words to?"

Eli says "I don't even think there are words, really."

Pat says "Why not?"

Eli says "Because Creation just _does_. It doesn't sit around and try to put itself in a book with rules and laws and stuff. It just _does_. Isn't that great?"

Pat frowns. "I like rules."

Eli waves his hand. "Those are part of Creation too."

Pat says "Oh. But why put one over the other? If the rules have to exist in creation, why doesn't creation have to follow the rules?"

Eli says "Creation is what encompasses, man. Get it?" He pulls a Twinkie out of the box. "Okay, take this Twinkie. The recipe to make a Twinkie - make sponge, make filling, put two together, voila - are rules. But someone had to Create those rules. And furthermore, creation had to happen to make the ingredients. Well, maybe not, it IS a twinkie, and I don't think it's actually a food, but you get my point."

Pat says "I remember hearing once that Twinkies are never exposed to heat during production. It's all chemical reactions."

Eli's eyes get really big as he stares at the Twinkie. "Wooooooooooooah."

Pat says "Yeah. Pretty keen, huh? And then to get the filling, they inject another chemical that breaks the cake down and bleaches it."

Eli stares at Pat, boggled. "Wooooooooooah. The Twinkie is a complete Twinkie Food Product."

Pat nods. "It's got its own little niche in the food groups. Bread, Milk, Meat, Fruits, and Twinkies.

Eli says, "That's really... something. That's SOMETHING. Viva La Twinkie!" He promptly consumes the Twinkie in a mess of filling and Twinkiebits.

Pat busts into giggles.

Eli says "Another good demonstration of creation at its finest."

<> Daimon ponders. The universe can be reduced to Twinkies.

<> Pat says "No!"

<> Daimon says "Indeed they can."

Eli glances sidelong at Pat, wondering if he 'gets it' yet.

Pat shakes his head. "I don't get it. There's gotta be rules somewhere."

Eli says, "The rules come from Creation. Creation makes the rules. Get it?"

Pat says "So, what are the rules?"

Eli says "Play, and have fun."

Pat says "That's it?"

Eli says "Yup."

Pat blinks.

Pat puzzles.

Eli grins helpfully.

Pat says "That doesn't make sense."

Eli says, "Sure it does."

Pat says "Does not. Too easy."

Eli says "It's not too easy. People spend their whole lives tryin' to figure that out, man."

Pat says "Well, yeah. But don't you have any insights?"

Eli says "Into what?"

Pat waves his hands around. "This."

Eli blinks. "It's a living room, with a nice bouncy couch." To demonstrate, he bounces up and down a bit.

Pat says "I meant this whole creation thing."

Eli says "It's very big."

Pat says "I know."

Eli says "If you already know, then don't worry about it." He grins helpfully.

Pat says "I gotta."

Eli says "But why?"

Pat says "Coz it's the way I'm wired. It's my /nature/ to go with the rules, y'know?"

Eli says "If you enjoy goin' with the rules, then you're having a good time. And that's what it's all about!"

Pat says "Well, yeah. But how do I know what the rules are?"

Eli says "Through Zen Meditation and tryin' to break 'em."

Pat says "I don't wanna break 'em."

Pat says "I wanna know them, so I can follow them, and help other people follow them."

Eli says "Then you'll need to puzzle them out for yourself. Because, man, I'll tell you a secret. It's a big secret so you can't tell anyone. The secret is.... I don't know what the rules of Creation _are_."

Pat goes wide eyed. "Man, don't tell me that. That's a bum trip waiting to happen."

Eli says "But you can have a good time makin' some up."

Pat says "Making them up? Just out of thin air, saying 'these are the rules?'"

Eli says "Nah. You can't just make arbitary rules and expect people to follow 'em. I mean if you make a rule that says you must wear tartan socks every thursday and wear stripes and plaids together or else be punished by being made to eat an entire box of JELLO pistachio instant pudding in one sitting, you're gonna be making alot of trips to Meijers. No, if you're gonna make rules, if you have to make rules, you have to make rules that make it easier for people to not think that Creation doesn't really have any rules and sleep better at night. Get it?"

Pat reaches for his cigarettes, lights one. "So, what you're saying is, we gotta make it look like we know what we're doing?"

Eli says "Exactly. You're a smart kid."

Pat says "Um."

Liz says "Having fun?"

Eli looks in his box, and comes up with a Hostess Snowball.

Pat says "I don't like it."

Eli says "You don't like Hostess Snowballs? Wooooah."

Pat says "I don't like bluffing like that."

Eli says "Yer not bluffing. You're just figuring it all out."

Pat says "Well yeah, but I'm supposed to be one of the guys who has it figured out, y'know? It's that Judgement thing. People come to me to tell 'em what's going on, and if I don't know, how am I supposed to do that?"

Eli says "You just make somethin' up."

Pat says "That's not very fair."

Eli says "Use your best judgment then. Be wise. Be deep. Be zen. Be one with the universe."

Pat says "So the rules are there, somewhere?"

Eli says "They're like the Twinkie. Remember the Twinkie? It existed before this Snowball." He holds up the Hostess Snowball. "The Twinkie was created by some rules, which were also created. Creation is the fabric, and your rules are the little buttons."

Pat says "Buttons?"

Eli says "You know, little sugar buttons on a strip of tape."

Pat blinks. "You lost me, man."

Eli waves a hand. "You got Creation, and its everywhere. Creation just DOES, in sort of its own ways. People try to make sense out of all of it, so they make some guesses and try to figure out how it all works. When they get down a few of the better ways to be, after observing Creation, they write 'em down and call 'em rules. And magically, Creation works according to some rules. Huzzah! And then you tell 'em to people, and they feel all better."

Pat shakes his head. "So you're saying the only reason rules exist is because we want them to?"

Eli says, "Yup."

Pat squints. "No way."

Eli says, "Does a Hostess Snowball really need rules?"

Pat says "Well, yeah. I mean, what if it decided it was tired of being snacked on, and went on a rampage?"

Eli says "Then I would be forced to call out a Rabid Snowball hunt! There would be marvelous scenes of riding on horses through the dawn mists, with the hunting horns calling out, as the great marauders hunted down the Snowball and slew it like the snack cake it is."

Pat says "Well, yes. Because it broke the rules and did not deign to be eaten."

Eli holds up the Snowball and says, "RAR."

Pat looks frightened.

Eli says "Luckily for us, hostess snack cakes very rarely go on a mad rampage, except in times of extreme stress."

Pat says "But it could happen."

Eli grins. "And it would be marvelous, man. Totally excellent."

Pat says "What?"

Pat says "No it wouldn't. It would be a mess."

Eli says, with much majesty, "It would be sticky."

Pat nods. "Sticky isn't always good, y'know."

Eli says "And when is this?"

Pat says "When it's in your hair, for example. Or when you're all sticky and trapped near an anthill or something."

Eli says "Woah. Woooooah. Sticky ungoodness! Although... if you're trapped near an anthill, I think you have other problems that does not involve sticky fun."

Pat says "Well yeah. But being sticky makes them that much worse."

Eli says "Unless they're unsticky loving happy friendly ants who live a stickiless life."

Pat says "How common is that?"

Eli says "As common as it needs to be." And then, because Pot and Hostess Snowballs do not make good bedfellows, he eats the big pink snack cake.

Pat says "Oh."

Pat looks bewildered.

Eli looks pleased. "See? Play, and have fun."

Pat flutterblinks.

Eli looks down into his box, and frowns. "I'm all out of snacky cakes. Phoo."

Pat says "Bummer, man."

Eli says, "Majorly."

Pat says "I can check my fridge, but I think all I have is cold pizza."

Eli instantly brightens. "Excellent! Cold pizza it is!"

Pat says "Have at, man."

Eli gets up and wanders himself into the kitchen. There are rummaging noises *rummage rummage bump crash rummage* and returns with said cold pizza. It has different stuff on it then Pat remembers, but hey. He plops back on the couch, picks at the slices, and offers one to Pat.

Pat waves a hand. "No thanks, man. I'm thinking."

Eli considers the concept of not being able to eat and think at the same time. He's mystified.

Eli says "Woooooooooah." And then he munches.

Pat looks thoroughly lost in thought.

Eli watches the Cartoon Network which is, very bizarrely, still on. It's showing original Space Ghosts. Spaaaaaaace Ghost!

Pat says "No rules."

Pat says "Whoa."

Eli says "Do you think Space Ghost can defeat Zorak! Woah! Wait! He just did!"

Eli turns, and grins at Pat.

Pat says "Huh?"

Eli says "Space Ghost man. The evil villians always have him in an Impossible Trap where he's Sure to Die, and he defeats them every time with the help of his two teenage sidekicks and Gleek the Monkey. It's mystifying."

Pat says "Well, do the villains break the rules?"

Eli says "They're villains!"

Pat says "Right."

Pat says "So they break the rules?"

Eli says "Yup."

Pat says "There we go. No mystery about it. Bad guys break the rules, and they lose."

Eli says "On the cartoon, sure."

Pat says "Not just the cartoon."

Eli says "Well... the bad guys don't always lose, you know."

Pat says "They should."

Eli shrugs. "That's life, ya know? It's not a cartoon, no matter how cool that would be."

Pat says "It should be."

Eli waves his hands around.

Pat says "Seriously."

Eli says, "Free will, ya know?"

Pat says "It's a pain."

Eli grins. "Would you rather that everyone, instead of havin' free will, was locked into a certain set of rules like robots? Where would be the fun in that?"

Pat says "It would be safe, though."

Pat says "Secure."

Eli says "Boring. Really boring. Not a hostess Twinkie in sight."

Pat says "Sure. In the proper Twinkie niche."

Eli laughs. "What about rainbows? Where would that fit in your niche? _People_ can run in little tracks. The Symphony just... is."

Pat says "Right."

Pat says "The Symphony already runs the way it's supposed to. As long as it's not messed up."

Eli says, "You can't take away Free Will and replace it with rules, no matter how hard you try. You can drug people, and brainwash 'em, and mess 'em up, but the world will do something weird and random to you, and zingo, Creation all over again. The Symphony itself is weird and funky and cool, and you can't control that."

Pat says "But you can find how it works, and keep things from going out of bounds."

Eli eyes Pat with a certain amout of merriment. "But does anyone even know how it works?"

Pat says "Well. We could."

Eli says "_I_ don't know how it works. But if you figure it out, be sure to tell me! It'll be cool."

Pat nods. "Sure."

<> Pat becomes the Angel of the Rules.

Eli says "Excellent!"

<> Daimon points out that Eli is still the Archangel of Creation. When he remembers. Which isn't often.

<> Pat grins.

Pat thumbs-ups.

Eli pats Pat on the shoulder. "I gotta motor, kiddo. Parties call."

Pat blinks. "You're not going to help me clean up?

Eli looks at the mess. "Oh! Woah! Yeah, of course!"

Eli occasionally needs to be reminded of, you know, the rest of the universe.

Pat nods, standing up. "Thanks, man."

Eli stands up. *poof* He has a broom. Just like that. And it's a good broom too. And it's bright green.

Eli helps to clean up the mess. It's a fairly large mess.

Pat tries to make things neat and ordered.

<> Daimon says "It has just occured to me that Eli has the ultimate power."

<> Daimon says "He has the ability to pull an infinite amount of bite sized snickers bars from his coat pocket."

<> Pat says "WHOA!!!!!"

<> Daimon says "A power I _often_ wish I possess."

<> Pat says "That kicks ass!"

<> Daimon says "It is ultimate."

<> Daimon says "And lengths of chain. And uncooked spaghetti. And rubber bands. He's never without a rubber band."

<> Pat says "Hee."

Eli unintentionally messes things up, putting little things on top of big things, and artfully arranging random objects from glasses to large pieces of furniture.

Pat shakes his head and just cleans.

Eli says "If you arrange your couch and chair like _this_, there's a better chance that you can pick up signals from aliens when you have a glass filled with cranberry juice sitting on the coffee table."

Pat says "Aliens?"

Eli says "Kurds, to be specific. Although you can attract the occasional Tibetan Monk."

<> Daimon avoids the splatter from Pat's exploded mind.

Pat looks at Eli for a long moment. Then blinks. "Ub."

Eli comes over and pats Pat on the shoulder. "You'll be able to tell when the glass vibrates."

Pat says "Oh."

Eli grins. "Yeah, man. Woooo cool."

Pat says "K."

Eli notices that the place is clean. He hands Pat the Spiff-o Neat Green Super Broom.

Pat says "Thanks, man."

Eli says, "Again, I gotta motor. There's a party out there with my name on it. Give Dommie a pinch on the butt for me. And hey, if you ever think about 'expanding your mind' without all the cloak and dagger stuff, I'll be about."

Pat says "Um. Right. Bye!"

Eli grins, smiles, waves, and makes his way out the door, to disappear into the night.

Pat leans against the wall. "That was far out."

---

Fiat Justitia