Hitherby: As well as I could, sir.
Superior: I asked you to protect the anthill of the three green eaters tribe. It is my understanding that this anthill was nearly destroyed a week later, by a human woman who wished to pour lye and arsenic into it.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: I have been told that you were not immediately aware of this danger, despite having more than fifty ants under your direct control on the nearby ground.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: How did you finally become aware of this danger, Oboth?
Hitherby: (muttered) A human intervened.
Superior: Could you say that a little bit louder?
Hitherby: A human intervened. His name was Donald.
Superior: I see. And he intervened how?
Hitherby: He said, in the human tongue, "Stop, good woman. These ants may be annoying, but they are God's creatures as much as you or I."
Superior: I see. So she was convinced?
Hitherby: In fact, she was not. However, alerted to the danger, I took over her body and emptied the lye and arsenic into a nearby stream.
Superior: Killing a number of small marine animals.
Hitherby: It was their Destiny, sir.
Superior: I see. Your second assignment was to defend hive 30,482 of the Kibroth bees. I understand that they also were nearly destroyed, two days later, by an elderly man with a broom and a particularly tough skin.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: I have been told that you were not immediately aware of this danger, despite having more than eighty bees under your direct control in the general area.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: How did you finally become aware of this danger, Oboth?
Hitherby: (muttered) A human intervened.
Superior: A human intervened. It was, in fact, the same human, am I correct?
Hitherby: They're so hard to tell apart, sir.
Superior: You understand, I hope, Oboth, that you are not authorized to communicate with humans until you are more experienced?
Hitherby: I did not communicate with him, sir. It was simply a coincidence that he reappeared.
Superior: (silence)
Hitherby: Perhaps he sought me out, sir.
Superior: And how could he have done so, Oboth, in the absense of information about celestials or your own collusion?
Hitherby: I have been known to hum, sir.
Superior: Hum?
Hitherby: Melodies. While I work. In honor of the Great Musician, who created the Symphony and all the music within it. Would you like me to demonstrate?
Superior: So -- as ants, and as bees, incognito in the mortal realm, you were -- humming?
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: I see. The human intervened in a similar manner, I assume, with the bees?
Hitherby: Yes. He said, in the human tongue, "Stop, good man! These bees may sting, but they are God's creatures, the same as you or I."
Superior: And this convinced him?
Hitherby: In fact, it did not. Alerted to the danger, however, I took over his body and threw away the broom. Then I marched him back to where I assumed his home would be.
Superior: I understand that the broom severely wounded a bluejay in a nearby tree?
Hitherby: I am young, sir. I did not understand my full strength, nor the brutal power of a broom wielded by an expert Kyriotate.
Superior: (silence)
Hitherby: Also, the bird had a habit of eating the bees.
Superior: I see. And you did not consider that this disrupted the Symphony and betrayed the broader aspect of Jordi's Word, under which birds fall as well?
Hitherby: We must all make hard choices, sir.
Superior: I see. Your third assignment was to protect a dog -- a single, lowly dog, who was much put-upon by his master. I assigned you this task to get you away from the insect world for a time, hoping that a vacation would help curb your eccentricities. Yet I understand that three days later, the dog was nearly killed by a brigand with a sword who wished to rob the dog's owner?
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: I have been told that you were not immediately aware of this danger, despite the fact that you were inhabiting the dog, and despite the fact that the brigand tripped over you as he entered the man's house.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: How did you finally become aware of this danger, Oboth?
Hitherby: The human intervened again. He said, in the human tongue, "Stop, evil sir! That dog may have tripped you, but it is God's creature as much as you or I."
Superior: One moment. While inhabiting the dog, you -- hummed?
Hitherby: Indeed so, sir. In honor of the Great Musician who created the Symphony and all music with it.
Superior: Did Donald's words convince this brigand?
Hitherby: Indeed not, sir, but when the brigand turned to attack Donald, I took over his body and stalked out by the river, where I plunged his sword into the Earth as deep as it would go.
Superior: Killing, I might add, many members of the three green eaters tribe.
Hitherby: That was an accident, sir.
Superior: I see. We will skip the next several assignments; I understand that you performed, if not admirably, well enough for our purposes. However, on your eighth assignment, you returned to the ant world, protecting the great leapers of the grass tribe.
Hitherby: Indeed, sir! A very fine tribe.
Superior: They honored you as an angel, and entrusted you with an ancient ant artifact as a token of their esteem.
Hitherby: Yes, sir. A small brown bead that contained the seed of the next universe.
Superior: ... really?
Hitherby: Well, they thought so.
Superior: And what did you do with this bead?
Hitherby: Well, I carried it around for a while and -- er --
Superior: Lost it.
Hitherby: Yes, sir.
Superior: Where?
Hitherby: In a giant pile of rice that someone had inconsiderately dumped all over the ground on top of the hill.
Superior: You did not question this event?
Hitherby: Question would be too mild a word, sir, but what was I going to do?
Superior: I see. So your response to this situation was?
Hitherby: I asked the ants to carry away all the rice one grain at a time, so that I could find the artifact again. They agreed, but said that they would "keep it for me" henceforth.
Superior: Would it surprise you to know that Donald was nearby at the time? That he had been challenged by an evil human king to find the one brown grain in an entire pile of white rice?
Hitherby: It would explain why he stole the artifact, sir, resembling a grain of brown rice as it did. Beyond that, I have found everything on Earth surprising and natural all at once and together.
Superior: I understand that you left the anthill the next day, against orders.
Hitherby: Incorrect, sir. Only part of me left the hill. I realized that while I could defend the ants against many dangers while living among them, I could not save them from cartloads of rice dumped atop the hive. I reasoned that by possessing some nearby bees, who have sharp stingers, I might prevent a recurrence of this event.
Superior: And yet you did not use these bees in defense of the tribe of ants, but rather took them off on a wild and unauthorized adventure.
Hitherby: Sir! I must protest that. When I possessed the bees, others in the hive informed me that there was a dangerous Calabite in the area, who had destroyed many fine members of the local insect population.
Superior: You were not authorized to challenge demons! You could have endangered your tribe! Or, more likely, the bees you were using as hosts!
Hitherby: I cannot disagree more, sir! I hold no grudges against Calabim; they are relatively innocuous demons. But by the very virtue of the fact that Heaven had assigned me to protect the great leapers tribe, there was a real risk that he would come to attack it. I chose to take the initiative and deal with him preemptively, and I will stand by this decision. Besides, ...
Superior: Yes?
Hitherby: I won.
Superior: Would it surprise you to know that Donald had been challenged by the evil king to destroy the local "ogre" who had been terrorizing the kingdom?
Hitherby: It would explain why he looked so happy upon finding the body, sir.
Superior: Yet the catalog of your indiscretions does not end there! Having destroyed the Calabite, you proceeded to abandon the bees and take on the body of Donald's dog, instead. Can you seriously argue that there was no collusion?
Hitherby: Sir, after the man had stolen the ants' precious artifact and burst in on me and the Calabite's corpse, I reasoned that it would be wise to keep a close eye on him. Therefore, I possessed his dog -- who better?
Superior: You are aware that this was the very same dog whose life you had been asked to safeguard before?
Hitherby: I noted this at the time, and found it very remarkable. If I may ask, how did it come to accompany him?
Superior: Its prior owner was grateful to Donald for "saving" him from the brigand, and when Donald visited him a second time, he "rewarded" him with the dog. Is this relevant?
Hitherby: I would not know, sir. You have digressed remarkably from the lavish praise I was expecting, and I can no longer predict your actions or intentions with any reliability.
Superior: When you accompanied Donald back to the court of the evil king, you were a witness to the king challenging Donald to awaken his enchanted princess, offering him her hand in marriage if he succeeded -- and death if he failed.
Hitherby: That is correct, sir.
Superior: Could you tell me what happened then?
Hitherby: I noticed what appeared to be the ants' artifact on her face --
Superior: What, the artifact?
Hitherby: I noticed what appeared to be the ants' artifact on her face, and leapt up on her chest and tried to lick it into my mouth.
Superior: And then?
Hitherby: She woke up. I have spoken to certain Malakim about this, and they confirm that this is the natural reaction of even an enchanted human when a dog leaps upon them and licks their face. Needless to say, I was very surprised at the time.
Superior: ... if it was not the artifact ...?
Hitherby: It was, on closer examination, a "mole," sir.
Superior: You are aware that a legend has grown up about these events? About a man who befriended the ants, and then the bees, and then a dog, and who was therefore able to survive the three tests of the evil king?
Hitherby: I was not aware, sir. Still ...
Superior: Still?
Hitherby: It is not an entirely bad thing, is it? That humans should consider befriending their fellow creatures good?
Superior: (long pause)
Superior: I am not energetic enough to have such Servitors.
Hitherby: But --
Superior: Nor, do I think, are there others more appropriate. I will recommend that you be transferred to work under Jordi directly.
Hitherby: (translated into vernacular) Cool.
Superior: It is not a reward.
Hitherby: Why not?
Superior: Never mind. Go away.
Hitherby: Yes, sir!